Spiritual Growth and the Importance of Balance

These last few months have been challenging for me on several levels.  I own a rental house and had another set of terrible tenants.  They never paid on time, complained every month, left the house nasty, broke several parts of the lease...ya' know, the usual dream tenant!

Apparently, renters think all landlords are rich and don't need the rental income.  This is NOT the case for most property owners I know, including yours truly.  I am a recent college grad and I work in social services so I am rich with knowledge and passion...but money, not so much!

The family left without leaving me the keys (4 locks to change x $40 each), without paying the last 2 months rent ($575 x 2), without cleaning ($350), and pending legal fees ($$$) to try to track them down.

I am sharing all this to give you perspective of how I feel and to show how this negative situation has become a positive learning and growing experience for me.  I want soooo badly to text them messages along the lines of "you obviously need the money more than I do", "you are a thief", etc...  NOT a very nice, mature, or classy move on my part...but it would make me feel better, right?  Wrong.  Not only would it make me feel mentally worse, but it wouldn't change my situation nor would it take away the headaches and stress this situation has caused, or remove any other physical issues I have had as a result of this major decline in my personal finances.  I have been so worried I stopped exercising and caring about other things in my life!  I allowed a single situation to escalate into a major dilemma affecting many parts of my life.

I reflected on what I would say to my clients if they found themselves in this situation. Being hateful is NOT on my list. I encourage clients to learn from every situation about how they could improve themselves and to find sources of relief.  Leaning on God often comes up.

I found myself reflecting on the Lord's Prayer and Matthew 6:13-15:

Matthew 6:13-15 Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹³ And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

¹⁴ For if you forgive people their trespasses [their ^[a]reckless and willful sins, ^[b]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[c]giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their ^[d]reckless and willful sins, ^[e]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[f]giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

I realized that this was a part of both my personal and spiritual journey and God was giving me yet another chance to get it right.  Being evil is only going to make it worse for ME, not them, and I would be taking steps backwards.  I reminded myself to stop the pity party, and lean on God because He has already worked it out.  Unbeknownst to me a few months ago, I would end up being able to rent the house to a family member in need and NOW is when they needed it.  If only I would have been patient and prayed for peace...

This situation reminds me of the importance of balance in all aspects of our lives.  Trinity Wellness is built on the belief that one's mental, physical, AND spiritual lives must all be in balance as they are all very interconnected.  I made my self depressed, became angry at God for not blessing me with money immediately, and stopped exercising which made everything worse.  I have been out of balance and a hot mess!  These last few days I have been able to pray, read my bible, exercise, and remember just how small this situation really is.  By this time next year, I won't even remember these moments.

I encourage all of you to keep things in perspective and when one thing gets out of balance, continue to maintain the other areas of your life.  Don't allow a negative situation to throw you off.  Find your spiritual center, journal, meditate, go to therapy, read your Holy book, talk to whomever you subscribe to, and KEEP GOING with the rest of your life!  Things will get better and you just might help someone else out along the way.

Sorry for the long post but I hope this helps someone else on their journey to balance!  Take care.

What motivates you?

Sometimes, we all need a little boost.  Where do you get that extra push to help you keep going when life gets tough?

Motivation is defined as what drives you to do something.

As a therapist, I encourage my clients to find intrinsic motivation (or an internal reason) for doing what they desire or need to do. I believe that intrinsic versus extrinsic factors leads to long term results and a more fulfilling sense of accomplishment. One can't, or shouldn't, live their life according to what others want for them. It will make you crazy!

For me, I have finally found my internal motivation for weight loss. This journey has been slow, and at times painful, but I am doing what needs to be done for ME! Even though I am doing it for me, it helps to have external support for the times when this journey gets really hard. Sometimes a phone call from a friend, a compliment on my shrinking body, or a note from one of my trainers is just the push I need to stay on track.

Where have you found motivation and why?

KEEP GOING! You WILL succeed if you believe you can. In the words of Henry Ford: whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.

Happy April!

New Year's Resolutions...or not!

Today is January 10th, 2013.  Are you still on track for those resolutions you made less than 2 weeks ago?  If not, welcome to the club.  If you are, CONGRATULATIONS, but you will "fail" soon too. 

"Well OMG Karen, that's harsh!"  I know it is, but it's not our fault and there is some good news here.

To sum up a Psychology Today article, human beings (and our four-legged companions, too!) simply are not in complete control of our brains.  We are designed to fail.  And I hear you asking, "So if I can't control myself, then why even bother?"  We bother, and I encourage you to continue trying because you CAN succeed.  Our resolutions need to become HABIT; not just an annual thought.  Don't beat yourself up or stress out over "failed" efforts to keep your New Year's resolutions.  You have to keep trying in order for this new habit, to become the norm.

Every day is a new day, a fresh start.  (We survived the Mayan Apocalypse a month ago, we have to keep going right?!)  The more you try (and stay positive doing so), the greater your odds of success.  Furthermore, you never really start back at square one.  You are never the same person you were when you first started the journey to lose those 20 pounds, start eating better, or stop smoking.  You have learned something about yourself, you have improved, and you are a better person for not giving up.

Keep moving forward!  As far as I am concerned, today is a great day to CONTINUE, not start over, on your path to ___(insert your resolution here)_____.  A great way to increase your odds of success is to be held accountable.  Tell your friends, coworkers, and family your goals and ask them to help you.  If you see me eating unhealthy food or spending money, STOP ME!  Remind me that I can lose 30 pounds and I want a bigger house and you are here to support me.  I will do the same for you.  Feel free to leave your resolutions in the comments.

As always, I am here to support you on your journey.  Please feel free to contact me.  Visit www.trinitywellnessstl.com for more information.

Best of luck and Happy New Year!

Karen

Black suicide and the stigma of mental illness

After the suicides of some prominent African-Americans in recent history (Junior Seau, Chris Lighty, Don Cornelius), I came across an article about the stigma of suicide in the black community: http://blackdoctor.org/12194/black-suicide-stigma/  I also recently took and passed a simple suicide prevention and referral test which is open to anyone here: http://www.asklistenrefer.org/

In the black community, mental illness has a negative stigma.  Those afflicted by some form of mental illness are seen as "crazy" or "messed up" and are mocked or avoided rather than helped.  This only perpetuates the cycle.  One of the parts of the article that resonated with me was "This culture of silence continues to be a significant risk factor for many health disparities in the Black community, particularly mental illness...".  If we are hurting, why don't we ask for help?

What is mental illness?  Almost anything that affects a person's regular/normal functioning like depression, anxiety (bad nerves), and/or hearing voices or seeing things that are not there. Some causes can be: clinical illnesses, medical problems, legal troubles, relationship troubles,  drug and alcohol use, violence, money problems, and more.  Black women and returning veterans are at a higher risk than most for experiencing depression and suicide attempts.

We, as a community, need to break away from this cycle of self-abuse. Instead of putting one another down, try lifting people up.  Offer help...even if you don't know what "help" means.  A threat of suicide is often a cry for help and all you have to do is listen and refer them for professional help.  There should be NO SHAME in asking for help.

If you or someone you know is hurting, there are ways to help.  Be a friend and listen to someone who might be at risk.  Don't be afraid to ask them are they thinking about suicide.  The church is a good source of help for black Americans as we tend to rely heavily on our faith in God.  There are all kinds of counselors in the community who are able to offer services as well.  If you are not insured, ask for a sliding fee scale. Some counselors (and future counselors like me!) will provide services at low or no cost to those in need.

Suicide in the black community is real.  When people make threats, BELIEVE THEM!  They are not crazy, they need our help.

Benefits of a CACREP program

I am proud to be an UMSL M.Ed. graduate (in 13 weeks anyway)!

One of the reasons I choose UMSL's Counseling program is because it is CACREP accredited.  Neither SLU, Lindenwood, Wash U, or Webster, or any other Missouri school (I beleive) can say they are CACREP accrediated.  Let's not even mention I only spent about a 1/3 of the costs of those schools and got into a highly competitive program...but no time for bragging!

What is CACREP? In short, it is the accrediting body for counseling programs.  Both UMSL's Masters and PhD are CACREP programs.

One of the benefits to being in a CACREP program is that those graduates who become licensed can now treat our military families.  Click here for more details:  New Tri-Care Regulations Will Require  CACREP

The main highlight: The IOM recommendations specify that independent practice of mental health counselors (MHCs) in TRICARE should occur under certain circumstances: ‘‘A master’s or higher level degree in  counseling from a program in mental health counseling or clinical mental health counseling that is accredited by Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs (CACREP); a state license in mental health counseling at the ‘‘clinical’’ or the higher or highest level available in states that have tiered licensing schemes; the passage of the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling examination (NCMHCE); and a well-defined scope of practice for practitioners.’’

Thank you Department of Defense for your trust in us!

Welcome to my blog!

Welcome and thank you for visiting.  This blog site will host a number of different posts pertaining to health, wellness, and counseling.  The plan is to post at least a few times per month.  If you have news you would like to see or share, email me!