Trading Habits

As I wrestle with learning to create new, healthier habits, I wanted to write to share my experiences and maybe gain some insight from my huge list of readers (crickets...).  It is still January (if I can post this in the next 45 minutes) and I know many of us are struggling with making our New Year's resolutions stick...like to blog twice monthly!  Tell me what has been working for you, or not working, in terms of accomplishing your resolutions thus far.

A habit is defined as "a fixed way of thinking, willing, or feeling" and "the process by which new behaviors become automatic is habit formation" and finally the most important point about habits "old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioral patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways, but it is possible to form new habits through repetition".  Basically, we have made our habits semi-permanent.  This is kind of a scary thing...unless we focus on creating better habits.

I recently spent a bunch of time working with clients on SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound) as a way to make their New Year's resolutions more concrete.  They were given worksheets like the image below to help them break each goal down into steps.  Email me/comment for the simple form.

Some other steps to help break old habits and form better ones should include making sure you want to change.  If you are honest, do you really WANT to stop smoking or eating junk?  More importantly, are you READY to make the changes? Only make efforts to change the things that you desire to see changed.  If you can't be honest with yourself, how committed and successful will you become?

As any therapist will tell you, find out the reason for your bad habits.  Are you biting your nails or cursing out of nervousness or anxiety?  Once you can get an understanding of the cause of the problem, maybe you can fix it.

Remember to always include your support system on your goals.  They are here to help.  Are they still encouraging you to maintain those resolutions?  Good, then fill them in on your new and improved SMART goals and ask them to hold you accountable.

Finally, to achieve those goals, stay strong in the fight to change your habits and believe you can do better.  Believing in your success sometimes feels like half the battle.  For additional support, please contact me

What are your habits? Nail biting, smoking, risky sex, cursing, tardiness?  I encourage you to set your sights (and habits) on forming new habits like exercise, positive self-talk, better eating,or whatever it is you desire.  Good luck; I'm running this race right beside you.

Thanks to psychologytoday.com for some insight.

What Will You Create in 2014?

Happy New Year! I hope all of you have been blessed these first two days of 2014 and that it will only get better!

This new year, like many others, I began a daily affirmation type book. While this one is focused on financial freedom, there are so many books available that help us take baby steps; one day at a time. January is a great time to start one, hint hint.

In the introduction of The Wealthy Spirit, author Chellie Campbell says, " consciously or unconsciously, we create our lives. We create them out of our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and feelings, and the choices we make from them. Our life story is the sum total of our decisions".

This is a powerful statement. Did you know that YOU had so much power and control?! While I could (will) write a whole other blog on that, I wanted to make this a short one to simply encourage you to CREATE YOUR STORY. A new year is a new beginning and a chance for you to create your life story.  Over this year, let's learn to change our old, negative thoughts and attitudes into beautiful words of encouragement which foster positive self beliefs, so that the story we create becomes a happy, peaceful, successful one.

Wishing you many blessings for a successful 2014.

Don't forget to check out my regular columns in Delux Magazine (www.delux-mag.com) and SpokenVizions magazine (www.spokenvizions.com).

Spiritual Growth and the Importance of Balance

These last few months have been challenging for me on several levels.  I own a rental house and had another set of terrible tenants.  They never paid on time, complained every month, left the house nasty, broke several parts of the lease...ya' know, the usual dream tenant!

Apparently, renters think all landlords are rich and don't need the rental income.  This is NOT the case for most property owners I know, including yours truly.  I am a recent college grad and I work in social services so I am rich with knowledge and passion...but money, not so much!

The family left without leaving me the keys (4 locks to change x $40 each), without paying the last 2 months rent ($575 x 2), without cleaning ($350), and pending legal fees ($$$) to try to track them down.

I am sharing all this to give you perspective of how I feel and to show how this negative situation has become a positive learning and growing experience for me.  I want soooo badly to text them messages along the lines of "you obviously need the money more than I do", "you are a thief", etc...  NOT a very nice, mature, or classy move on my part...but it would make me feel better, right?  Wrong.  Not only would it make me feel mentally worse, but it wouldn't change my situation nor would it take away the headaches and stress this situation has caused, or remove any other physical issues I have had as a result of this major decline in my personal finances.  I have been so worried I stopped exercising and caring about other things in my life!  I allowed a single situation to escalate into a major dilemma affecting many parts of my life.

I reflected on what I would say to my clients if they found themselves in this situation. Being hateful is NOT on my list. I encourage clients to learn from every situation about how they could improve themselves and to find sources of relief.  Leaning on God often comes up.

I found myself reflecting on the Lord's Prayer and Matthew 6:13-15:

Matthew 6:13-15 Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹³ And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

¹⁴ For if you forgive people their trespasses [their ^[a]reckless and willful sins, ^[b]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[c]giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their ^[d]reckless and willful sins, ^[e]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[f]giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

I realized that this was a part of both my personal and spiritual journey and God was giving me yet another chance to get it right.  Being evil is only going to make it worse for ME, not them, and I would be taking steps backwards.  I reminded myself to stop the pity party, and lean on God because He has already worked it out.  Unbeknownst to me a few months ago, I would end up being able to rent the house to a family member in need and NOW is when they needed it.  If only I would have been patient and prayed for peace...

This situation reminds me of the importance of balance in all aspects of our lives.  Trinity Wellness is built on the belief that one's mental, physical, AND spiritual lives must all be in balance as they are all very interconnected.  I made my self depressed, became angry at God for not blessing me with money immediately, and stopped exercising which made everything worse.  I have been out of balance and a hot mess!  These last few days I have been able to pray, read my bible, exercise, and remember just how small this situation really is.  By this time next year, I won't even remember these moments.

I encourage all of you to keep things in perspective and when one thing gets out of balance, continue to maintain the other areas of your life.  Don't allow a negative situation to throw you off.  Find your spiritual center, journal, meditate, go to therapy, read your Holy book, talk to whomever you subscribe to, and KEEP GOING with the rest of your life!  Things will get better and you just might help someone else out along the way.

Sorry for the long post but I hope this helps someone else on their journey to balance!  Take care.