Everyone is Tired

I am tired. Everyone I talk to is tired. None of us can sleep and our daily functioning is a struggle.

This week is the second week of the Ferguson protests after the murder of Michael Brown by a police officer. I have personally been involved in protests and helping the community on several occassions and it is physically draining. To add to that, the constant negativity on the news and social media, and the racism which seems to be on level 1000, is mentally draining.

As a counselor (and human), I worry when I hear my friends talk about their lack of sleep and increased stress levels.

Bear with me for a very concise biology/psychology lesson on STRESS...
Lets assume our bodies function best between a level 3 - 5 on a scale of 10.  When we get stressed, we go up to a max of 10. Stress is a release of chemicals by the brain which are designed to help regulate our bodies...get it back to a healthy 3 - 5 level. Too much or repeated stress means our bodies are producing lots of chemicals which makes our bodies essentially adjust to a higher level of "normalcy", say a 6 - 8. This mean our breaking point, level 10, is much closer. Our bodies respond with all sorts of physical and mental problems such as headaches, loss of good sleep, moodiness, stomach problems, weight gain, and more. If we do not learn to manage and lower our stress level, we can get up to a level 10 which manifests itself as angry outbursts, breakdowns, panic attacks, heart attaks, ulcers, rage and violence, and even death.

Personally my stress manifests itself as acne, sleeplessness, moodiness, exhaustion, and nausea and stomach problems. I don't have energy to exercise or work which creates a nasty cycle of weight gain, moodiness, depression, and then more stress.  I am on a level 6 most days and add in this Ferguson and racism issue and I am on an 8.  My fear is that many of you are as well. This is too close to 10 to be healthy. Are we all about to snap?!?!

So that I spare someone from getting cussed out, I need a refresher on stress relief so I thought I would share some tips with you as well.

1. Try meditation -- Meditation allows your mind to stop working so hard and just relax. Even a few minutes a day can do wonders for your mood.

2. Exercise -- A brisk 20 minute walk will release "happy" chemicals in your body. In addition, it can keep you healthy and maybe shrink your waist...which always makes me happy! Try walking, swimming, dancing, yoga, or weightlifting for a great workout and mood changer.

3. Remove the stressor -- Tired of the racist social media comments? Unplug. Tired of the negativty on the news? Unplug. Tired of your boss or kids? Take a break. It is okay to have mommy time out and it is NOT okay to have unused vacation or sick days. USE THEM!  If you hate your job, find a new one. If I have learned anything from recent events, it is that life is too short. Do not stay stuck in a job you hate or in an unhealthy relationship.

4. Eat well -- While comfort food gives us a few moments of joy, we all know the long-term effects of an unhealthy diet.  When under stress, make the focused effort to eat right. More vegetables, fruit, and real food, and less sugar and processed foods.

5. Enforce good sleep habits -- So I get that when you are stressed you can't sleep. Trust me, I KNOW!  It is crucial that we practice a healthy bedtime routine in order to get good sleep. No booze, food, electronics, or exercise too close to bedtime. And allow 8 hours a night during stressful times. If that means you go to bed at 9pm for a week, so be it.  And avoid sleeping meds; allow your body a chance to heal itself. *I will not take Benadryl, I will not take Benadryl...

6. Phone a friend -- Make sure your support system is checking on you. It is okay to need people and now is a great time. (Thanks A.M. and B.O. for being there for me!)

7. Practice balance -- Are you doing too much? Learn to say "no" or take a hiatus when needed. I have reduced my protest days and intensity because I need a break. No cussing out the riot police for this gal!  Take things slowly and make sure you allow for work, play, and quiet times everyday.

(Anyone who knows me knows I enjoy the occassional, small (lol) glass of wine, so why did I leave that out as a tip? Though there are some benefits to drinking wine, when under serious stress, alcohol tends to worsen problems such as restless sleep and increased displays of emotions (crying and stupid behavior ie drunk dialing or fearlessness). Under this level of stress, try to avoid excessive alcohol use. And cake.)

I will write more on each of these 7 tips soon but for the most part, you KNOW what to do already, you just need to DO IT!  Good luck destressing. Please comment or email me with thoughts, questions, or for individual counseling.

*This blog post, and all others, are not intended as medical advice or counseling. Don't even think about suing me!

Randomness: this picture makes me yawn everytime!

Spiritual Growth and the Importance of Balance

These last few months have been challenging for me on several levels.  I own a rental house and had another set of terrible tenants.  They never paid on time, complained every month, left the house nasty, broke several parts of the lease...ya' know, the usual dream tenant!

Apparently, renters think all landlords are rich and don't need the rental income.  This is NOT the case for most property owners I know, including yours truly.  I am a recent college grad and I work in social services so I am rich with knowledge and passion...but money, not so much!

The family left without leaving me the keys (4 locks to change x $40 each), without paying the last 2 months rent ($575 x 2), without cleaning ($350), and pending legal fees ($$$) to try to track them down.

I am sharing all this to give you perspective of how I feel and to show how this negative situation has become a positive learning and growing experience for me.  I want soooo badly to text them messages along the lines of "you obviously need the money more than I do", "you are a thief", etc...  NOT a very nice, mature, or classy move on my part...but it would make me feel better, right?  Wrong.  Not only would it make me feel mentally worse, but it wouldn't change my situation nor would it take away the headaches and stress this situation has caused, or remove any other physical issues I have had as a result of this major decline in my personal finances.  I have been so worried I stopped exercising and caring about other things in my life!  I allowed a single situation to escalate into a major dilemma affecting many parts of my life.

I reflected on what I would say to my clients if they found themselves in this situation. Being hateful is NOT on my list. I encourage clients to learn from every situation about how they could improve themselves and to find sources of relief.  Leaning on God often comes up.

I found myself reflecting on the Lord's Prayer and Matthew 6:13-15:

Matthew 6:13-15 Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹³ And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

¹⁴ For if you forgive people their trespasses [their ^[a]reckless and willful sins, ^[b]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[c]giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their ^[d]reckless and willful sins, ^[e]leaving them, letting them go, and ^[f]giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

I realized that this was a part of both my personal and spiritual journey and God was giving me yet another chance to get it right.  Being evil is only going to make it worse for ME, not them, and I would be taking steps backwards.  I reminded myself to stop the pity party, and lean on God because He has already worked it out.  Unbeknownst to me a few months ago, I would end up being able to rent the house to a family member in need and NOW is when they needed it.  If only I would have been patient and prayed for peace...

This situation reminds me of the importance of balance in all aspects of our lives.  Trinity Wellness is built on the belief that one's mental, physical, AND spiritual lives must all be in balance as they are all very interconnected.  I made my self depressed, became angry at God for not blessing me with money immediately, and stopped exercising which made everything worse.  I have been out of balance and a hot mess!  These last few days I have been able to pray, read my bible, exercise, and remember just how small this situation really is.  By this time next year, I won't even remember these moments.

I encourage all of you to keep things in perspective and when one thing gets out of balance, continue to maintain the other areas of your life.  Don't allow a negative situation to throw you off.  Find your spiritual center, journal, meditate, go to therapy, read your Holy book, talk to whomever you subscribe to, and KEEP GOING with the rest of your life!  Things will get better and you just might help someone else out along the way.

Sorry for the long post but I hope this helps someone else on their journey to balance!  Take care.