Damn You Society

After tossing and turning last night, I needed to vent and this "poem" is what appeared.  I am not a poet, but it was therapeutic to write and share my feelings.  My goal with any public post, is to create dialogue and hopefully help someone else.

Going through a doc program is crazy and anyone who does it is a little crazy.  Why anyone puts themselves through this is beyond me...but I love it.  Some of this writing is a result of a good but long semester, and most of it is just growing through this thing called life, in a "post-racial" America.  When I have the energy, I will blog more about that later.

My doctorsisters (my PhD cohorts and very very close friends) and I are starting a new venture (is that what we are calling it B & D?!) so stay tuned for doctorsisters.com.

As always, your comments and opinions are welcome here.  Follow the blog and find me on YouTube (Trinity Wellness)...because I don't have a million things to do already, lol!

Damn you society for making me feel as if something is wrong with me.
Damn you society for all the pressures you put on women.
Damn you society for the pressure to be skinny, but everyone else modifies their body to look like what I was naturally blessed with.
Damn you society for poisoning the minds of my beautiful, black people; telling us all our men are gay or incarcerated.
Damn you society for all the “go to college, find a husband, and do it all before 25” rhetoric.
Damn you society for saying that women should be married.
Damn you society for telling me all the things I am doing are in the wrong order.
Damn you society for telling me black women are baby mommas and not pretty enough.
Damn you society for making me feel inferior for not having/wanting kids.
Damn you society for dangling the carrot of higher education in front of me, then telling me I won’t find a man now because I'm too educated.
Damn you society for making me work harder than my white and/or male counterparts for less pay and accolades.
Damn you society for making me feel less than.
Enough.
This pressure is toxic.  It encourages us to stay in bad relationships in order to “check the box”.  It makes me dumb myself down.  It makes me push away the good ones who are taking their time with me.

I am happy and good enough just the way I am.  On my own timeline.  Following my own rules. PhD.

I am creating a new mold for black women, for me, for any future daughters.  Damn society and its rules.  DO. YOU!


#Doctorsisters  doctorsisters.com…coming soon

Are you REALLY following your religion?

Are you following Jesus or someone else?

Jesus doesn’t say to only help those who look like us, or agree with our politics or beliefs.  He commands us to help even the least of us.  It is not up to us to decide who to help.  When a friend, enemy, or stranger is in need, it is our duty to help them; no ifs, and, or buts.

I am ashamed to be affiliated with a religion that more times than not, is publicly hateful to a group of people and claim it in the name of their faith.  NO FAITH, teaches us to shun, shame, or harm another.  When we can all learn to love one another, regardless of our personal or religious beliefs, this world can begin to heal.  Until then, fight on…in the name of “Christian principles”.

Finally, this post is not about convincing anyone to be any religion.  My goal is to promote wellness and a better community.  If you identify as Christian, are you following Jesus, or what the church tells you?  If you are Muslim, are you reaching out to educate those who do not understand?  If you are Buddhist, are you sharing the peaceful principles of your faith to help others gain supreme happiness?  If you are a non-believer, are you living your life accepting and open to all positive experiences?

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:31-40

Rise above

Rise Above

By: Karen Banks, M.Ed., PLPC

Owner/Therapist - Trinity Wellness, LLC

@TrinityWellSTL

Image from quotesvalley.com

This is an excerpt from an article I originally published in SpokenVizions Youth magazine.  For the full article, please subscribe!

Throughout our daily lives, we are often surrounded by media, especially music.  What influence does music have on you?  Does it inspire, either positively or otherwise, you to create beautiful poetry?  If a vast majority of popular music is misogynistic, hateful, celebrating drug use and careless sex, and encouraging killing each other, what influence does that have on your psyche and thus your creativity?

Think about these few words, subscribe and read the entire article, then write a comment and let's chat about your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!  If for some reason you cannot access the article, after an extended period of time, I will return to post the article in its entirety.

Karen

What are your values?

What are your Values?

Karen Banks, M.Ed. PLPC

Full article published in Delux Magazine August/September 2014

Hello Readers!

Sorry for the hiatus but I am back and have lots to write about.  I have been writing for 3 magazines (Delux Magazine, SpokenVizions, and SpokenVizions Youth)which I strongly encourage all of you to subscribe to and enjoy.  I think you will find the information helpful.  I will be publishing parts of each article here on my blog.

If you are here from the link in Delux Magazine…welcome!  Here is a list of values to get you started on figuring out what is important to you. 

From the article:

A fun, albeit uncomfortable, exercise to determine your core values is to get a few sticky notes, 15-20 should work, and write one value one each.  It can be one word or anything that is important to you.  A piece of paper torn or cut into 20 pieces will work as well. 

Once you have your values laid out in front of you, take 10 and throw them away.  You can either look at them and make choices, or you can close your eyes and randomly select 10 to never see again.  Take a moment to stop and feel. Are you sad, angry, or maybe even relieved? Are you feeling anxious about losing something of value to you? Did you make the right choice?  Now take a look at your remaining 10 values and take 5 more away.  Did you lose your family or choose money over power? Is higher education really more important to you than family time?  Is your job balled up on the floor?  The remaining 5 values are your core values. 

Accountability Accuracy Achievement Adventurousness Altruism Ambition Assertiveness Balance Being the best Belonging Boldness Calmness Carefulness Challenge Cheerfulness Clear-mindedness Commitment Community Compassion Competitiveness Consistency Contentment Continuous Improvement Contribution Control Cooperation Correctness Courtesy Creativity Curiosity Decisiveness Democraticness Dependability Determination Devoutness Diligence Discipline Discretion Diversity Dynamism Economy Effectiveness Efficiency Elegance Empathy Enjoyment Enthusiasm Equality

Excellence Excitement Expertise Exploration Expressiveness Fairness Faith Family-orientedness Fidelity Fitness Fluency Focus Freedom Fun Generosity Goodness Grace Growth Happiness Hard Work Health Helping Society Holiness Honesty Honor Humility Independence Ingenuity Inner Harmony Inquisitiveness Insightfulness Intelligence Intellectual Status Intuition Joy Justice Leadership Legacy Love Loyalty Making a difference Mastery Merit Obedience Openness Order Originality Patriotism

Perfection Piety Positivity Practicality Preparedness Professionalism Prudence Quality-orientation Reliability Resourcefulness Restraint Results-oriented Rigor Security Self-actualization Self-control Selflessness Self-reliance Sensitivity Serenity Service Shrewdness Simplicity Soundness Speed Spontaneity Stability Strategic Strength Structure Success Support Teamwork Temperance Thankfulness Thoroughness Thoughtfulness Timeliness Tolerance Traditionalism Trustworthiness Truth-seeking Understanding Uniqueness Unity Usefulness Vision Vitality

List found on http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm

(For a much longer list of values, visit the following pages which I have always found helpful: http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/list-of-values.htm or http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm or http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-2-define-your-personal-values/ which is where the image is from)