Damn You Society

After tossing and turning last night, I needed to vent and this "poem" is what appeared.  I am not a poet, but it was therapeutic to write and share my feelings.  My goal with any public post, is to create dialogue and hopefully help someone else.

Going through a doc program is crazy and anyone who does it is a little crazy.  Why anyone puts themselves through this is beyond me...but I love it.  Some of this writing is a result of a good but long semester, and most of it is just growing through this thing called life, in a "post-racial" America.  When I have the energy, I will blog more about that later.

My doctorsisters (my PhD cohorts and very very close friends) and I are starting a new venture (is that what we are calling it B & D?!) so stay tuned for doctorsisters.com.

As always, your comments and opinions are welcome here.  Follow the blog and find me on YouTube (Trinity Wellness)...because I don't have a million things to do already, lol!

Damn you society for making me feel as if something is wrong with me.
Damn you society for all the pressures you put on women.
Damn you society for the pressure to be skinny, but everyone else modifies their body to look like what I was naturally blessed with.
Damn you society for poisoning the minds of my beautiful, black people; telling us all our men are gay or incarcerated.
Damn you society for all the “go to college, find a husband, and do it all before 25” rhetoric.
Damn you society for saying that women should be married.
Damn you society for telling me all the things I am doing are in the wrong order.
Damn you society for telling me black women are baby mommas and not pretty enough.
Damn you society for making me feel inferior for not having/wanting kids.
Damn you society for dangling the carrot of higher education in front of me, then telling me I won’t find a man now because I'm too educated.
Damn you society for making me work harder than my white and/or male counterparts for less pay and accolades.
Damn you society for making me feel less than.
Enough.
This pressure is toxic.  It encourages us to stay in bad relationships in order to “check the box”.  It makes me dumb myself down.  It makes me push away the good ones who are taking their time with me.

I am happy and good enough just the way I am.  On my own timeline.  Following my own rules. PhD.

I am creating a new mold for black women, for me, for any future daughters.  Damn society and its rules.  DO. YOU!


#Doctorsisters  doctorsisters.com…coming soon

Parenting Teenagers

Parenting can be a very challenging job.  Your role is to grow healthy, productive, successful adults that you still have to love through their challenging toddler and teen years when they can sometimes seem unlovable.  One of my preferred parenting methods, Love & Logic®, perfectly addresses this conundrum and offers techniques that reduce parenting stress.

The basic concept of Love & Logic® is that tough life lessons are better learned in childhood when the stakes are minimal, and parents are there to guide and love children through the growing pains, with the idea that we learn and grow from doing not by being told or having everything done for us.  For example, you remind your child to pick up her bike and put it in the garage.  She fails to do so and the bike is stolen off the front lawn.  You hug her through her tears and let her know because she did not take care of her things, which you purchased, that she must repay you for the bike.  This is a great opportunity (after the emotions have eased) to teach her about consequences. Hopefully, she will learn to take care of her things, on the first request, and avoid a much more expensive lesson with her iPad or laptop.

Love & Logic® is also helpful for reducing the back and forth arguments with teens.  The ‘broken record’ technique can greatly reduce arguing with an unruly teenager.  No matter what your child says, repeat “I love you too much to argue” and they will have no one to argue with.  Once you state the family rule or directive, any further rebuttal should immediately be followed with, “I love you too much to argue”.  Use a loving, non-sarcastic tone, and remember don’t argue back!

There are many helpful tools available in the Love & Logic® books that I highly recommend to help raise smart and independent kids who are capable of making their own healthy choices.  If you would like more information, please reach out to me!